No escape, only distraction

Hey there, this is my blog, so I put on it what I will... I don't know, or particularly care who reads it, but it is out here so you just might understand me better. Anywho, last little bit has been not quite up to snuff, but I know(pray) that eventually it will be over. Right now I am just beginning to realize that me and Kate are over. Yeah, tough. I think I was just in denial until recently. I had it in my head that if I feel this way, she must, too. I guess I just thought there were difficulties, but eventually it would be back to normal. Well, it's starting to dawn on me that im wrong, and that our relationship really wasn't that great. I really thought she was the one. I would've (and probably still would) lay my life down for her. The last little bit really messed with me. Over the past three days, I've kinda been messed around (not saying Kate's a bad person or anything) by Katelynne. She came over the other day and the vibes were flying back and forth and we ended up kissing. The next day (yesterday) we went out shopping and wandering around and it was almost like we were dating again, but later on my little dream-world high went away and I started to realize that the world still sucks. But anyways talking to Kate later, we both apologize for taking advantage of each other, I was using her rebound/physical personality to further my delusional dream-world, and she was using my delusion/rebound for whatever she used it for (Im nopt going to speak for her, because I dont know what goes on in her head). Anyways, we always seem to talk more when we dont have anything left to lose. Well, as it turns out, neither of us were any good b/f / g/f's.I cheated in the beginning, and her in the end. Both more than once, both didn't tell about every time... Man we suck. Made some bad choices together, which sucks for when/if I find the 'one'. Whats done is done. I can only pray to stop wanting her back. I need to build my life on a stronger foundation, and trust me, switching the foundation out from under your house without knocking it down is hard, hey it might even be impossible, I pray that it will happen, break me or not, I need someone solid.

If you know what I mean. Anyways, I am going to eat some lasagna, and then head up to Kate/Rob/Heather's so I'll blog ya later

- Foo be gone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hey I am back, just thought I would add onto this post, because its still the same day. Uhh, yeah, the title is referring to drugs, by the way, in the old days, I would have turned to them when the going gets rough. Now I got something better. Anyways, on the whole my life issue, I am just gonna give it up, and rely on Jesus to help me out. I need to use him as a foundation, and I need God's will to be done. If he has to break me down to the last little crumb, then so be it. He is really showing me that I need to rely on him, and just let go and let things happen. Still though, even the thought of Katelynne with anyone else absolutely kills me. But yeah, just a reminder, this blog is about me, so dont go and rag on Katelynne or anything like that. This blog is for my looking back later, and for people to help them understand me; don't misuse it.

Anywho, some cool stuff coming up with Youth/Church, like the Youth Band, and the Outreach Banquet, and the 'Potato Ministries' and all sorts of fun stuff. Oohh, youth homegroup really needs to happen too. I am looking forwards to next week already just because of HG, which is sweet, but I still have to do a whole whack of homework :S oh well. .... Hey, this turned out to be a long blog! woo-hoo. Anywho guys,(and girls) Im going to bed down for the night.

Nighty Night
- Colin