I've got to admit, it's getting better... a little better all the time

Hey there, somewhere in the last two month-ishwas my one year anniversary with blogger, go me. ( I am too lazy to look back into the archives to find out. so there. )
The mountain somehow has 60 cm of snow and 3 runs open, if it gets any more, hopefully I will be going up tomorrow. Kate is SOOC (shopping out of country), and I'm not sure when she gets back, but I want to see her. :)
Played my first Axis&Allies game, and it only took an hour to set up, and 11 hours, 39 minutes to play out... of course, It would have been quicker had we played for victory cities, instead of domination. Yarg. I switched my sleeping pattern due to staying up all night playing A&A, and I couldn't get to sleep until 4 last night... oh well, I am reading a great book, called the Bible. It rocks. I m also reading a book called 'EMPORER, The Gates Of Rome' also quite good; but, alas, not as good as the Bible.
I don't really have anything to post about, except that I haven't been posting, but oh well.
I love God, I love Katelynne;
I WILL do both.

-Colin.J.Dobson@gmail.com

yarg. Rejoice in the lord.

Howdy, Phillipians 4:4, "Rejoice in the lord always, again I will say to you, rejoice!"
I am finding it difficult. (hence the yarg) I have god, no real problems, good grades, good food, I'm not lacking anything, I have someone to love on, and yet, I still am depressed. I should be so ecstatic that I'm foaming at the mouth; but I'm not. I think it may be SAD, seasonal affective disorder, but hey, who am I to give a diagnosis? I always seem to be in a better mood in the summer, even if my life is going to shit.

Anywho, on to other things, like Katelynne. I love her. A lot. I can, and WILL wait for her, but I don't have to like it. I mean, whats in a name? A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet; A relationship by any other name still involves the same things. Either something needs to change, or the only thing we are waiting for is the actual status. I mean, the love is there, the caring is there, the spending time is there, what more is there... ?
As far as I see it, we AREN'T waiting, and hopefully, this isn't messing with a(ny) more important relationship(s). Because if it isn't then why play this game?

I

LOVE

GOD

I

LOVE

KATELYNNE
Can't I do both?

If humans reproduced asexually, there would be no need for separate sexes, or relationships

So, here's the deal; I use this blog kind of as an out-with-it outlet. You know this is about me, so any information you pick up here really shouldn't apply anywhere else.

On to the out-with-it...
GIRLS, or girl, should I say, driving me crazy. Yes I love her, yes I want her back, yes I want what she wants. Umm contradiction right there? Well, I cant continue on like I am with her. It doesn't feel right to be like that with someone outside of a relationship. I am perpetually confused because I am never sure what she wants, or what she's thinking. I think that she is conflicting with herself over Me/Freedom, but when I read her blog, it looks like I'm not going to win. This can't continue on, it is only setting me up to get destroyed... So, I told her, TOLD HER, I was going to ask her out on new years, and that I wanted her to weigh either side of the argument, and think on what she was going to say. Seems weird, but I didn't want to just spring the question on her again, because she might just rush into a yes, leading to it falling apart once again.

Why can't stuff just go perfectly? .... dumb question.


Anywho... Poker game saturday! So far only Kate, Jo, and Me.... No good. I'll see if Cam can come, maybe Trailey or someone. Sunday is going to rock. I hope that I can somehow comfortably step out of my comfort zone; I know I can't, but I'm still going to get myself so psyched about it.

so yeah, I'm out of stuff to write about.
- Colin

Dreams

Hey there, I am now the proud owner of three (3) blogs, Foo's blog, Foo's Blogworthy Conversations, and Dreams. The newest addition, Dreams, I have started up so I can record dreams, partially(mostly) on advice from one of my Youth pastors (Heather :P) and partly because I think it will be really cool to be able to read back on dreams. It would be really cool if some(or all) of the dreams were brought on by the holy spirit, and it would be REALLY cool if I could actually remember my dreams and blog them down. Anywho, short post, but I'm trying to go to bed, so yeah. Oh, check out 4MYCANADA, just click the title of this blog to go to their website. Yeah, g'nighteo.

- Colin

To the (potential) pot smoker.

Hey guys, if you are smoking, or considering smoking marijuana, or doing some other kind of drug, let me ask you, 'why?'

If you want to 'see trippy stuff' then you are going to be dissatisfied, guys. Smoking pot isnt going to give you hallucinations, or let you see pink elephants. A 10 cent pair of red-blue goggles will give you more to look at then $10 of weed will anyday. (Trust me, im wearing a pair right now, it's totally sweet)

If you're looking for 'good feelings' well, you might find them, for about 1 hour, half of which you will spend coughing. Trust me, I have experienced only the tip of the iceberg for feeling god, and I have felt better than any time when I was high, and it is a lot harder to get rid of.

If you are looking for an escape, then I'm here to tell you, with drugs, there no escape, only distraction. When you come back to reality an hour and a half later, you will be burnt out and still feeling just as bad as before about whatever it is you are trying to escape. And if you happen to smoke yourself to death, you'll have only hopped out of the frying pan and into the fire, literally. My life hasn't been the worst ever, but it still sucks, and if it was a year ago, or even 2 months ago, I would've turned to drugs as an 'escape', and last time I tried that, I got into a fight with a friend, had the police come by, and came home with 2 scars on my leg and one on my forearm. But now, oh, now is SO much better. I am having my heart and mind go in different directions and change their minds about 2 times a minute, and it suck(s/ed) all I have to do is give it up and let God lay his hand on my life, hes trying to point me in the right direction, and if I fight it, it only sucks, I am letting him do the steering, and I don't worry. It's a lot better. Here, I dare you, next time your life really sucks, give it a shot; dont just get f*cked out of your mind for a few hours.

Been there, done that.
Am here, doing this.

- Colin

(UPDATE 2012, JULY)
The not smoking weed thing lasted all of like 6 months, maybe.

I smoke weed all the time, and as far as it goes with me, I totally abuse it.
My mom thinks I am self-medicating... probably.
but it's western style -treat the symptom, not the cause- self-medicating, which I also do not recommend.

I don't recommend doing much that I do.

I don't like me much,

I am often disappointed upon retrospective evaluation of my actions/motivations.

but I digress;  I am fuck, I don't take my own advice.  I smoke pot and I suck at life.

EOU

No escape, only distraction

Hey there, this is my blog, so I put on it what I will... I don't know, or particularly care who reads it, but it is out here so you just might understand me better. Anywho, last little bit has been not quite up to snuff, but I know(pray) that eventually it will be over. Right now I am just beginning to realize that me and Kate are over. Yeah, tough. I think I was just in denial until recently. I had it in my head that if I feel this way, she must, too. I guess I just thought there were difficulties, but eventually it would be back to normal. Well, it's starting to dawn on me that im wrong, and that our relationship really wasn't that great. I really thought she was the one. I would've (and probably still would) lay my life down for her. The last little bit really messed with me. Over the past three days, I've kinda been messed around (not saying Kate's a bad person or anything) by Katelynne. She came over the other day and the vibes were flying back and forth and we ended up kissing. The next day (yesterday) we went out shopping and wandering around and it was almost like we were dating again, but later on my little dream-world high went away and I started to realize that the world still sucks. But anyways talking to Kate later, we both apologize for taking advantage of each other, I was using her rebound/physical personality to further my delusional dream-world, and she was using my delusion/rebound for whatever she used it for (Im nopt going to speak for her, because I dont know what goes on in her head). Anyways, we always seem to talk more when we dont have anything left to lose. Well, as it turns out, neither of us were any good b/f / g/f's.I cheated in the beginning, and her in the end. Both more than once, both didn't tell about every time... Man we suck. Made some bad choices together, which sucks for when/if I find the 'one'. Whats done is done. I can only pray to stop wanting her back. I need to build my life on a stronger foundation, and trust me, switching the foundation out from under your house without knocking it down is hard, hey it might even be impossible, I pray that it will happen, break me or not, I need someone solid.

If you know what I mean. Anyways, I am going to eat some lasagna, and then head up to Kate/Rob/Heather's so I'll blog ya later

- Foo be gone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hey I am back, just thought I would add onto this post, because its still the same day. Uhh, yeah, the title is referring to drugs, by the way, in the old days, I would have turned to them when the going gets rough. Now I got something better. Anyways, on the whole my life issue, I am just gonna give it up, and rely on Jesus to help me out. I need to use him as a foundation, and I need God's will to be done. If he has to break me down to the last little crumb, then so be it. He is really showing me that I need to rely on him, and just let go and let things happen. Still though, even the thought of Katelynne with anyone else absolutely kills me. But yeah, just a reminder, this blog is about me, so dont go and rag on Katelynne or anything like that. This blog is for my looking back later, and for people to help them understand me; don't misuse it.

Anywho, some cool stuff coming up with Youth/Church, like the Youth Band, and the Outreach Banquet, and the 'Potato Ministries' and all sorts of fun stuff. Oohh, youth homegroup really needs to happen too. I am looking forwards to next week already just because of HG, which is sweet, but I still have to do a whole whack of homework :S oh well. .... Hey, this turned out to be a long blog! woo-hoo. Anywho guys,(and girls) Im going to bed down for the night.

Nighty Night
- Colin