well.. 100 posts

my posts have seemed to take a turn towards the lame. I used to be upbeat and happy. I am now consistently unhappy. period.

this is my 100th post. i dont really give a shit. fml

fuckit

eop

Well, here I am

I am here. typing. in a robe, on a monday at 10:38am. Rained out of painting. Start at playtime bingo tonight. Currently not together with samantha. I cant be happy either way I guess. I feel really bad for breaking her heart time and time again. welcome to life. sometimes you hate yourself.

aaaaaanyways. My van has a bunch of scrap 2x4's and bits of plywood full of nails. One of these days im going to de-nail and either store the wood or build something.

I would go toke, but I am so fucking emo. heh not really i guess. but I get into funx.funkzfunks

maybe I will go toke. oh im 20 now. fucking big deal. I know im not really a fan of bdays and whatevs but I had a shitty bday by my standards. woke up, fought with sam all morning. took her to work, then scrolled thru the contact list on my phone looking for someone to hang with... twice. I eventually texted back an unknown sender who turned out to be taryn. we chilled for a bit. w/f/e.

Jeff Saunders, you are a sheisty bastard. Fuck you pal.

Blaze Lupton. I lost some faith in humanity because of you. fuck you too, pal.

I am full of hate, rage and anger.

But I havent been in a scrap since elementary school. I dont think I would enjoy losing a fight.

fuck my life

hey. i feel so. sometimes no. whats the po.int? to point. or not. make it up as you go

Make it up as you go.

Get me out of here.

I sure feel things.

I dont want to feel down on myself anymore.

Dont worry, be happy.   Do your best.

...

do your best.

that is something that I dont really do anymore.

I need to revitalize, revivalize and realize,. its all in you

its all in your head

its all on your shoulders.

You are a microcosm within a macrocosm.

this is a fractal situation. 

You crave that  feeling. that feeling of lifeforce, flowing through you. its eddying energies within your belly, pseudoshivers of this feeling permeating your essence. 

fuck life

Zane(fag) gentes(genital sucker)

Zane is a stupid little kid who gets away with too much.
being stupid and little and getting away with tooo much taught him to be a fucking retarded shit.
he disrespected, demeaned, lied to, stole from, threatened, insulted, and manipulated his friends, some of which are alienated as of so.
He tried to break into my house. He threw garbage all over our door and step. Damaged my desk, and a few items in reach of my window. including the venetian blinds. He wrote death threats on our door, using a neighbor's(pnct?) name. He attempted to damage my roommates car, among MANY MANY MANY other things.

fuck you zane.
I hope for you the worst, scum.
May your surgery leave you unable to be a shit.

EOP ?

Maybe it will work this time

Yup,. score...

So, welcome to me; lying in bed at 4:54in the morning, sober. I was SOOO in love with katelynne. hmm off topic. well, I guess its on topic, the topic being me. I did, after all, type that in the first place,./ oh dear.

Well, I feel. what you say? I dont know. A lot, a little, distortedly? who knows. But ill tell ya, the feelings, they breed a passive aggravation. I grow restless, claustrophobic. The walls of society want to close in on me. so im going to crawl around and check out the trim... TO KEEP MY MIND OFF OF MY IMPENDING AND OH SO UNPLEASANT DOOOOOM,./

I dont want to go to school. Ill tell you that much. at least not right now. It doesnt feel right, too oppressive.
...-but were all crazy.(thats just what all the crazies say) orisit??? MAYBE im the only one who ISNT insane. clishehhh

wouldnt mind getting laid, but im not a fan of slutballin it. Things havent just fallent into place lately, blahpunblah.

I think I need to go for a walk. a good long one. y'know.

I COULD DIE AT ANY MOMENT,./ IS THAT NOT EXHILIRATING ENOUGH!?
grass greener teen angst the man fuck you and fuck me.
I do not believe in what we do. but who the fuck am I
I have no place, NOTHING has a place; everything is in its place\
its rightful place?

Some of this typing feels like the letting of a dam.
things lose meaning
fuck

sheeah

Im a janitor. dont like the work, not enough hours,
im scraping right now and I JUUUUST boke my car in the last 12 hours.
FUCK I BROKE MY CAR
fuck

I have kind of just not let that affect me but JESUS CHRIST!
I worked for that freedom and I spent 2000 dollas
w/e right?
yeah w/e.
fuck

In the words of a while ago,
still havent (started) got a new job
still havent quit smoking
still hate most everyone?

I dont even know. I want to go to places where I dont question so much
where things dont seem dark and dirty and negative

where I feel like a good person?

camping, tahsis, friends, novelty awe, wonder, amazement, fear, guilt, passion, fuck////
heres a siiiigh.


go ahead, ask me if im a gay skag-head.
fuck youuuuu

And jordan, if you should ever read this,
It did not bother me at all when you posed that question
your a rad dude and a dope roommate. rock

Jo bean, were strange people.
I so think youre out of my league. I liked you then and I like you now. I admire you. But I feel like were incompatible or something
although thats a terrible absolute word to throw around when youre hopeful.

But I neednt pursue things,
but then again I neednt pursue anything.


blah blah etc
eop